Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
