We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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