I could have mohawked her pubes.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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