make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Randomize
