she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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