I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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