I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
