It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
