Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
