She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
