the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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