if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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