she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Randomize
