does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
