yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
