her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Randomize
