kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I was not drunk enough for that final.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
