Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
