just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
