he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
