Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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