Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
