I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
