How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
