my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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