Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
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