I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
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