did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
it was like having sex with a tree stump
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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