When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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