he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
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