If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Can I color on your dick again?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
