That's intense
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
