my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize
