i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
