Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
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