You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
