just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
