she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Randomize
