im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
If I die, sorry about rent.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
