and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Randomize
