I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
