Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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