I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
