Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
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