i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
