my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
