You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
