Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
