need another drink. this is the easiest way
Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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