I think scott just propositioned me for sex
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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