update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
He has the fingertips of a God
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
