I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife đŹ
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying âFUCK YOUâ to all my spam emails. Canât tell you how excited I am
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Randomize
