then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I just had sex on a roof
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
