You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
