I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
