Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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