he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
