why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Randomize
