My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
