FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
