Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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