Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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