I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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