Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Four minutes until I can fart!
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Randomize
