Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
