I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
