Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
