we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
