Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
