We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
