There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Randomize
