Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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