i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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