S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
