HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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