your parents love me but you hate me
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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