I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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