We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
