all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
